I’ve frequently found it useful to pre-empt the possibility that a client might be defensive about feedback by talking through why receiving feedback with a positive mindset is important for them. This includes: - viewing all feedback as a way of identifying opportunities to improve and move forward, - taking on board that we all see the World differently and that by listening to constructive feedback, it gives us an opportunity to widen our own perspective and see things from others’ point of view, - becoming more aware of how we approach things and opening up possibilities to modifying ways that are not positive for us. When dealt with up-front, most clients are much more open to taking feedback on board in a positive way.

My experience shows that defensiveness often reveals hidden fears or insecurities. As coaches, we can guide clients to see these moments as gateways to deeper self-awareness. By helping them recognize that defensiveness is not failure but a mirror of growth potential, we empower them to shift from resistance to curiosity. The fundamental transformation happens when they embrace discomfort as part of their leadership evolution.

Step 1: Anchor to the Purpose Reconnect the client with their goals. Framing feedback as a growth step shifts focus from discomfort to progress. Step 2: Separate Feedback from Identity Clarify that feedback targets actions, not the person. Step 3: Normalize Through Stories Share relatable examples to show they’re not alone. “Many leaders face this. Here’s how one turned it into growth. Step 4: Highlight Benefits and Risks Focus on outcomes: “Enhancing this skill will boost team morale and your impact.” Outline risks gently: “Without change, this could hinder progress.” Step 5: Emphasize Collaboration Position growth as a shared mission. Assure them, “We’ll tackle this together. I’ll support you with actionable steps.”

Great question! I find when a client becomes defensive during feedback, it’s important to maintain a constructive and supportive environment. Here’s a few strategies I use: 1. Stay Curious – Ask open-ended questions to explore their perspective without judgment. 2. Reframe Feedback – Focus on the growth opportunity rather than the issue. 3. Acknowledge Their Emotions – Validate their feelings while keeping the conversation goal-oriented. 4. Pause if Needed – Sometimes, stepping back and revisiting the topic later helps. Coaching is about building trust and creating space for reflection. These strategies will help ensure sessions remain productive and focused on progress. Good Luck Simon.

One thing I found helpful is by changing the word and definition of Feedback to Feedforward and explain that when we hear the word Feedback our brain is recalling a mistake a failure etc.this could cause a resistance to receive feedbak. In the opposite when client being explain that Feedforward will drive people to give suggestion for improvement the client could lower their ressistant to receive feedback. In my coaching practice changing words will change perception and action.

Instead of giving feedback ask them if they can have another chance to do this what would they do differently? The other way can use as my favourite one is ask them to imagine you are at 5 years in future look back to you at your present what do you want to say to you to make it better?

I actually think this the defensive behaviour should not be skirted over but in fact this may well be the very reason why they need your help as a coach to hold even more space for them to feel all emotions.

Clients are defensive about feedback because they've had a bad experience with it in the past. I'd take a step back and start with WHY feedback is important. I often use the analogy of a 'rumble strip' on the highway. If you drive on it--it gives you feedback to course correct. There's no shame or blame---just info to help you improve. That's the place to start with someone who's defensive.