How can you use principled negotiation to create long-term relationships?

1 What is principled negotiation?

Principled negotiation is a negotiation approach that was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their book Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In. It is based on four principles: separate the people from the problem, focus on interests not positions, invent options for mutual gain, and use objective criteria. By applying these principles, you can avoid getting stuck in a win-lose or lose-lose scenario, and instead find a solution that satisfies the needs and goals of both parties.

2 How to separate the people from the problem

One of the main challenges of negotiation is dealing with the emotions, perceptions, and communication styles of the people involved. These can create misunderstandings, conflicts, and personal attacks that can damage the relationship and prevent a constructive dialogue. To separate the people from the problem, you need to treat the other party as a partner, not an adversary. You need to acknowledge their emotions and concerns, and show respect and empathy. You also need to communicate clearly and actively listen to their point of view, and avoid blaming, criticizing, or accusing them.

3 How to focus on interests not positions

Another common mistake in negotiation is to confuse the positions of the parties with their underlying interests. Positions are what the parties say they want, such as a price, a deadline, or a contract term. Interests are the reasons why they want it, such as their needs, desires, fears, or values. Focusing on positions can lead to a deadlock, where neither party is willing to compromise or concede. Focusing on interests can reveal the common ground, the hidden opportunities, and the real motivations of both parties. To focus on interests not positions, you need to ask open-ended questions, such as why, how, or what if, to explore the interests behind the positions. You also need to share your own interests and explain how they relate to your position.

4 How to invent options for mutual gain

Sometimes, negotiation can seem like a zero-sum game, where one party's gain is another party's loss. This can create a competitive and adversarial atmosphere, where both parties try to get the most out of the deal, regardless of the impact on the relationship. However, negotiation can also be a creative and collaborative process, where both parties try to find ways to expand the pie, rather than divide it. To invent options for mutual gain, you need to brainstorm ideas that can satisfy both parties' interests, without judging or evaluating them at first. You also need to look for ways to add value, such as by offering trade-offs, bundling items, or creating synergies.

5 How to use objective criteria

Even if you have separated the people from the problem, focused on interests not positions, and invented options for mutual gain, you still need to agree on a fair and acceptable outcome. This can be difficult, especially if the parties have different opinions, expectations, or standards. To use objective criteria, you need to base your agreement on external and verifiable facts, such as market value, industry norms, legal precedents, or expert opinions. You also need to be open to reason and evidence, and be willing to revise your position if it is not supported by objective criteria. You also need to be respectful and fair, and avoid using pressure, manipulation, or coercion to impose your criteria on the other party.

By using principled negotiation, you can not only reach a satisfactory agreement, but also create a long-term relationship with the other party. You can build trust, respect, and rapport, and avoid resentment, hostility, and conflict. You can also open the door for future cooperation, opportunities, and referrals. Principled negotiation is not only a skill, but also a mindset, that can help you achieve your goals and maintain your relationships.

6 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?