How do you navigate conversations with people who avoid conflict?

Navigating conversations with conflict-averse individuals can be a delicate task, especially in a business setting where clear communication is paramount. When you're faced with someone who shies away from confrontation, it's crucial to approach the discussion with empathy and patience. By understanding their perspective and gently steering the conversation, you can create a safe space for open dialogue, ensuring that both parties can express their views without the fear of conflict escalating.

1 Understand Avoidance

Understanding why some people avoid conflict is a critical first step. It's often rooted in fear—fear of rejection, damaging relationships, or facing uncomfortable truths. When you recognize this, you can tailor your approach to be more compassionate. Start by affirming their feelings and concerns. This doesn't mean you have to agree with them, but acknowledging their discomfort can make them feel heard and more open to engaging in the conversation.

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Janet Thaeler

Digital Marketer and Creator as an Amazon Influencer and YouTuber. I help people create clean, happy homes.
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I’m trying to buy out a business partner and this really resonates. And LinkedIn won’t let me post this without adding more words.

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John R. Stoker, International Speaker and Communications Authority

Corporate Engagement Coach for Leaders and Managers◆ Hold Difficult Conversations with Your Team ◆ Increase Accountability ◆ Increase EQ ◆ Keynote Speaker ◆ Author ◆ Executive Coach
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Most people avoid conflict because it usually involves heightened emotional reactions. So whatever you do, do not stir the emotions post. Recognize that the presence of conflic signals that a person is experiencing a personal violated value. Taking the time to be present, ask questions, and listen to what they are saying will help you uncover what is going on with them.

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2 Open Dialogue

Creating an open dialogue is about fostering an environment where the other person feels comfortable sharing their thoughts. Ask open-ended questions that encourage them to elaborate on their views. Listen actively and respond with empathy. Remember, the goal is not to win an argument but to understand each other and find a common ground. By showing that you value their input, you help build trust and reduce the fear associated with conflict.

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John R. Stoker, International Speaker and Communications Authority

Corporate Engagement Coach for Leaders and Managers◆ Hold Difficult Conversations with Your Team ◆ Increase Accountability ◆ Increase EQ ◆ Keynote Speaker ◆ Author ◆ Executive Coach
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A true dialogue should begin with questions. Then your listening will follow. Once you have understood a person's point of view, you can ask them if you can share your perspective. Once you have shared, ask them what they think about what you said. This will help to continue to flow of the conversation.

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3 Be Patient

Patience is key when dealing with someone who avoids conflict. They may need more time to articulate their thoughts or may not be ready to address certain issues immediately. Pressuring them can lead to further withdrawal or resentment. Instead, give them space and time to respond. If the conversation hits a standstill, it's alright to take a break and revisit the topic later, once they've had time to process their thoughts.

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John R. Stoker, International Speaker and Communications Authority

Corporate Engagement Coach for Leaders and Managers◆ Hold Difficult Conversations with Your Team ◆ Increase Accountability ◆ Increase EQ ◆ Keynote Speaker ◆ Author ◆ Executive Coach
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Sometimes when conflict starts to raise its ugly head, I will say, "I can see that we don't agree. Can we start over and each share what is really important to each of us?" Then let them go first. Summarize what you think they have said, and then ask persmission to add your perspective. Once you have done that, it is much easier to ask them to identify what you both have in common and then build from there.

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4 Non-Verbal Cues

Paying attention to non-verbal cues is just as important as the words spoken. Body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions can convey a lot about how comfortable someone is with the conversation. If you notice signs of distress, it might be time to change your approach or give them a moment to relax. Maintaining a calm and non-threatening demeanor can help ease the tension and encourage a more open exchange.

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John R. Stoker, International Speaker and Communications Authority

Corporate Engagement Coach for Leaders and Managers◆ Hold Difficult Conversations with Your Team ◆ Increase Accountability ◆ Increase EQ ◆ Keynote Speaker ◆ Author ◆ Executive Coach
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There is always more that is said non-verbally than most people pick up on. If you can start to notice those cues, you can ask what they mean. For example, let's say your partner rolls their eyes as you share an idea, you could say something like, "I noticed you just rolled your eyes as I was sharing my idea. I am wondering if that means that you don't agree with me. Tell what you are thinking." Try to get to the meaning behind the behaviors youar seeing.

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5 Offer Solutions

When the conversation progresses to problem-solving, offer solutions that take into account their aversion to conflict. Frame these solutions as suggestions rather than directives, and invite them to contribute their ideas. This collaborative approach can empower them to take an active role in resolving the issue without feeling overwhelmed or coerced. It's a way to move forward together, rather than pushing against each other.

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6 Follow Up

Finally, following up after the initial conversation shows that you are committed to resolving the issue and value their input. It can also provide an opportunity for them to bring up any new thoughts or concerns they might have. A follow-up doesn't have to be formal; a simple check-in can suffice. This continuous engagement helps maintain open lines of communication and reinforces the idea that conflict can be navigated in a healthy and constructive manner.

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7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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How do you navigate conversations with people who avoid conflict?

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

1 Understand Avoidance

2 Open Dialogue

3 Be Patient

4 Non-Verbal Cues

5 Offer Solutions

6 Follow Up

7 Here’s what else to consider

Business Communications

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How do you navigate conversations with people who avoid conflict?

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

1 Understand Avoidance

2 Open Dialogue

3 Be Patient

4 Non-Verbal Cues

5 Offer Solutions

6 Follow Up

7 Here’s what else to consider

Business Communications

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