One of my main goals since going public with my story has been to illustrate how mental illness and recovery feel. I’ve done this through storytelling and detailed blog posts, but I’ve realized that sometimes all it takes is an emoji in this digital world to show how we feel.
In celebration of World Emoji Day on July 17, I chose five emojis that express what my journey with an eating disorder and recovery has felt like to me.
🔁Repeat Emoji
The repeat button perfectly describes my experience with orthorexia and OCD. As the list of “good” foods shrunk, I found myself eating the same things for breakfast, lunch, and dinner over and over again.
My days quickly seemed to mimic my eating habits as everything became routine-based. The thought of breaking the cycle only led to anxiety and guilt.
⚠️Warning Emoji
One of the signs of orthorexia is a constant checking of nutritional labels and ingredients. Inside my mind, I labelled food as good or bad based upon the macronutrient breakdowns. I also aimed for the cleaning diet possible and would actually break down in tears when I couldn’t find the organic produce I was looking for.
My world became full of warning signs, as I feared just one bite of something not “healthy” would lead to failure, disappointment, and disease.
Related read: Orthorexia: When healthy becomes obsession
💯One Hundred Percent Emoji
Oh, that 100 emoji. I’ve often said this is my favourite emoji ever!
I am a perfectionist and overachiever by nature. This drive for perfection fueled my eating disorder as well as my low self-esteem. I set unrealistically high expectations of myself, which often led to disappointment. I strove for 100 and could not accept anything less.
Ironically, now the 100 emoji applies to my recovery positively. I am 100% committed to taking my life back. This emoji now symbolizes my drive and motivation to overcome my eating disorder, OCD, and anxiety.
🌈Rainbow Emoji
I am an amateur storm chaser and have seen many rainbows following some of the most intense, destructive storms. This same scenario played out in my own life, as I found myself in a storm for years.
Now, however, I am enjoying the rainbow. Through recovery, I see the rain and the darkness ease and the sunshine once again. Sometimes we have to go through the storm to appreciate the beauty that follows.
⛰️Mountain Emoji
I live in Colorado, which means all I have to do is look out my front window and see the mountains soaring to the sky.
This stunning view inspired my recovery mantra of trusting the process, embracing the process, and eventually enjoying the process.
Hikers don’t climb just for the top; they do it for the experience. I’ve learned that my recovery is similar to this hike. There will be challenges along the way, and it won’t always be easy, but the experience can be a beautiful one if I allow it to be.
Over 3,500 Emojis to Express Ourselves!
As of September 2020, there are now 3,521 emojis in the Unicode Standard. How cool is that?
As someone who celebrates the fact we are all unique, I love that there are this many emojis out there for us to express ourselves and illustrate our lives.
I challenge you to go through and pick five emojis that represent your journey or life right now and then share them with us!
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