Why We Must Never Put Ourselves Last: Lessons in Leadership and Self-Worth

The other day, my youngest daughter offered me some of her Peri- Peri chicken wings. As a single parent, saying, "I’ll just have whatever you have left over is almost second nature." and that is exactly what I said, without thinking, I found myself saying, "I'll just have whatever you have left over." It was a simple exchange, but it struck me how often we default to putting ourselves last, especially as leaders. It's as if we've conditioned ourselves to believe that others' needs should always come before our own, it is a blind spot many of us are completely oblivious to even in the smallest of situations.

Did you know that this seemingly minor habit, this blind spot is actually a form of self-inflicted micro-aggression, a subtle yet pervasive way of telling ourselves that we don’t deserve the first choice, the best piece, or even equal footing. We may think it's an act of humility or selflessness, or being polite, or not wanting to intrude or just being self-deprecating but in reality, it's a reflection of an internalised belief that we are somehow less deserving.

This isn’t just about food. It’s about how we show up in the world, carrying a silent, almost invisible message - all boundaries down, that we are not worthy of the best. We believe others should be taken care of first and we’ll just make do with whatever remains. And while caring for others is an act of love, constantly putting ourselves last sets a dangerous precedent: that we don’t matter as much.

But here’s the truth: we do matter. You matter. I matter. We have so much value to offer to our clients, our families, our work, our communities. We are more than enough.

As I reflected on this moment, I couldn’t help but think about how this applies to leadership as well. True leadership is about invoking confidence in those you lead, showing them that you are capable of getting the job done. But how can we expect others to trust our leadership if we don’t trust our own worth?

A true leader doesn’t wait in the background, scavenging for whatever’s left. They lead from the front, showing by example. They embody the belief that they deserve to be there — to make decisions, to create impact, to set the tone for the entire team. And when you lead with this kind of confidence, it radiates. Your team believes in you because you’ve shown them that you believe in yourself.

One scripture that has spoken to me deeply on this topic is Psalm 71:18:

"Now that I am old and gray, do not abandon me, O God. Let me proclaim your power to this new generation, your mighty miracles to all who come after me."

To me, this is a reminder that we are all called to live with purpose and intention, at every stage of life. Even in our later years, we are meant to demonstrate our value and share the fullness of who we are — not what’s left over, but the abundance of our lived experiences.

This requires leading from the front—taking the first step, making bold decisions, and showing that you value yourself as much as you value those you lead.

So today, I encourage you to look at where you might be putting yourself last. Is it in the workplace, letting your voice take a back seat? Is it in your business, where you are unable to delegate so that you can take the deserved rest? or perhaps it is in your personal life, settling for what’s left of your energy? Wherever it is, remember that you are enough. You deserve more than just leftovers. We all do.

So step up, take initiative, and claim your place, as you do, guess what? you empower others to do the same. Leadership is not about self-sacrifice, putting yourself last as you scramble for

the leftovers to the point of self-neglect; it’s about reinventing your leadership, embodying strength, confidence, and self-respect, and in turn inspiring others to follow suit.

Lead with confidence. Live with intention. Know your worth.

If you're ready to uncover your blind spots and take your leadership to the next level, I invite you to book a call for my Reinvent the Leader in YOU! Discovery Session. Let’s work together to explore how best to make your leadership even stronger!

https://thereinventyouexperience.com/book-a-call

#Leadership #SelfWorth #LeadFromTheFront #Psalm71 #Confidence #GrowthMindset #leadershipreinvention #ProfessionalGrowth #ReinventYourself