PE goes all in on pickleball
Happy Friday. Welcome to The Chaos Coordinator! We are Brain Candy's snarky little sister, delivering carefully curated news happening across the industry (that you should probably care about) right to your inbox, with a hefty dose of irreverence.
In this issue, we dive into:
PE x niche sports
Gary Gensler's departure
Chrome breakup
Instacart's Super Bowl ad
What's happening in.....
PE/VC
Pickleball is PE’s New Obsession
Private Equity just found its new favorite sport—every single one of them.
Private Equity firms are swapping stadium suites for bull pens, pickleball courts, and sailing yachts. With over $10 billion invested in sports this year, according to PitchBook, PE is now targeting niche sports like lacrosse, indoor golf, and even bull riding. These smaller sports have die-hard fans and massive growth potential—translation: big returns for PE at a bargain price.
Women’s sports are thriving like never before, with elite leagues projected to generate over $1 billion globally this year. The WNBA is riding high on new superstars, while women’s rugby, water polo, and even hockey are seeing fresh investments. Youth sports are another cash cow, with PE firms funding camps and tournaments in a $30 billion industry that’s part training ground, part moneymaker. The playbook is simple: if it has athletes and revenue potential, PE is all in.
Read more here.
Capital Markets
Gary Gensler Sticks Around, But Not for Long
Crypto bros are already drafting their thank-you notes to Trump.
Gary Gensler, the SEC Chair who turned Wall Street regulations into his personal crusade, isn’t clocking out early. Instead, he plans to stay until the very last minute of the Biden administration—January 20 at noon, when Trump takes the wheel. Gensler’s decision gives Democrats a narrow window to lock in a few more regulatory wins. It also ensures he leaves behind a reputation as the SEC’s most tireless disruptor. From clamping down on private equity transparency to launching an aggressive crypto crackdown, his reign was anything but subtle. Sure, not everything stuck—a court tossed out his attempt to shake up stock buybacks—but Gensler proudly claims the SEC “enforced the law without fear or favor.”
Crypto enthusiasts, meanwhile, are eyeing Trump’s return like it’s a get-out-of-jail-free card. With Gensler gone, they’re betting on a friendlier SEC. Whether Wall Street mourns or celebrates, one thing’s for sure: Gensler left a mark they won’t soon forget.
Read more here.
Generative AI / Tech
Is A Breakup in the Making?
Antitrust case could force Google to split from its beloved browser.
The Department of Justice is hitting Google where it hurts—its Chrome browser. Following a federal ruling that Google monopolizes the search market, the DOJ wants the tech giant to divest Chrome to level the playing field.
Chrome, a critical gateway for search traffic, helps Google dominate ads and search—a market that pulled in $49.4 billion last quarter. The DOJ also proposed restrictions on Google’s exclusive deals with Apple and Samsung, which make its search the default on their devices.
While a Chrome breakup isn’t guaranteed, it’s the DOJ’s boldest antitrust move since Microsoft in 2001. Google has pushed back hard, calling the proposal “overbroad” and a risk to privacy and innovation. As the case unfolds, Chrome users may want to bookmark their backup browsers—just in case.
Read the blog here.
Marketing
Breaking: Instacart Goes Big for Super Bowl
But can we talk about this later? Turkey first, touchdowns later. Priorities, people.
Instacart is officially playing with the big leagues—it’s debuting its first-ever Super Bowl ad in 2025. Partnering with TBWA\Chiat\Day and guided by its Chief Marketing Officer Laura Jones, the ad is a bold move to capitalize on the Super Bowl’s unparalleled reach. “Sports have the power to captivate audiences and drive brand awareness,” Jones explained, proving that groceries and touchdowns might actually go hand-in-hand. This isn’t Instacart’s first dance with sports. It teamed up with Michelob Ultra for shoppable Super Bowl TV ads in 2023 and brought its brand to the 2024 Paris Olympics. Now, with a successful IPO and a Q3 revenue boost of 11.52% year-over-year (totaling $852 million, NBD), the company’s ad platform is a growing powerhouse.
Expect this spot to be more than just groceries—it’s a declaration that Instacart isn’t here to play (unless the game involves snacks). Whether this move makes your nacho run smoother or just adds to the Super Bowl hype, one thing’s clear: Instacart wants to own your game day.
Read more here.
The Chaos Challenge
Ready to flex those brain cells? Take on this week's Chaos Challenge.
Coca-Cola unveiled its latest Christmas ad, meant to pay homage to their classic 1995 “Holidays Are Coming” commercial. But instead of festive cheer, it sparked backlash online.
What upset people about the ad?
The trucks are replaced by drones dropping Coke bottles into chimneys.
The Coke trucks drift through snow to EDM beats.
It was made by AI and called “soulless” by critics.
A snowman comes to life and asks for a Pepsi.
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