Abandonment during Illness

Dr. Daisaku Ikeda, my spiritual mentor says, "It is painful to suffer illness, but the most painful thing of all is to feel abandoned by everyone, that no one cares about you. When the dark hole of despair pierces your heart, your life force drains away. That is why it is so important not to abandon or forget those who are sick or in trouble. We need to continuously and gently communicate to them that we sincerely want them to get better."

In my ongoing Psycho Oncological Counselling Project on behalf of Cancer Fight Foundation during the lockdown, I conduct counselling sessions for cancer patients regularly through video calling. In one of my sessions I met this assistant teacher from the state of Jharkhand, India, suffering from colorectal cancer, who has a prolapse of colostomy. Those of you who are not aware of these medical terms please understand, it means intense physical and emotional suffering. This is not the reason for writing this article, the reason is the story of this man and his family undergoing immense psychological distress and damage. The night before I called him he was contemplating laying down his head on the train track to free himself of suffering. What made him come back was a flash vision that came to him.

I had a long session with him where he spoke about his emotional turmoil.He does not lament his illness as much as he laments abandonment. His source of solace lies in his wife's care and his childrens efforts and determination to make it big in their life oneday inspite of their adversities. He lives with his wife, three children in one room after being thrown out by his step brothers.

You might be eager to know what was the vision that saved his life. He said, " I saw myself sitting with my four step brothers and having a hearty laugh." A man who has no means of survival, economically or socially held on to the hope that oneday he will overcome his illness and be united with his step brothers and have joyful moments again.

My conversation lasted for almost one and half hour which reinforced my belief in the importance of having loved ones around in times of trouble.Inspite of having a caring family his heart was expansive enough to embrace his step brothers. He being the eldest could not bear the pain of separation from them.

His eldest son, 17 yrs, wants to become a professor of mathematics one day, the daughter 16 yrs, wants to become a teacher and the youngest son 14 yrs wants to become an engineer. These children are determined to reach their goal. The man has started believing in uniting with his step brothers someday and the wife is the silent care giver exhausting all her strength in making the man of her life comfortable.