Wholehearted Living’s Post

Do I believe that women are hardwired to handle emotions better than men? No. The evidence is clear that when our world expects them to put others first, women have a lifetime of practice at emotional labor. The research:

Adam Grant Have you read the cited research methodology? "Participants were recruited using snowball sampling with the assistance of four undergraduate students as part of their bachelor thesis projects in the Netherlands." In plain terms, this means it was not a randomly collected sample. STRIKE ONE. It was comprised of 59% Dutch participants. 90% caucasian. STRIKE TWO. It was conducted in the Spring of 2020 Covid - Keep in mind this is also not long after the height of the Me Too movement in Europe in 2018-2019. STRIKE THREE. In other words, citing this biased study, just on the participants alone, is a terrible choice to make broad generalizations and apply them to US (or anywhere else) workplace culture. Even more important: it is impossible to accurately record, track and self-report emotion without biasing behavior (outside of a lab). While the first sentence of your post is observably true for nearly everyone here, this post diminishes your considerable credibility in commenting on workplace culture.

You clearly have never worked in the NHS - my 25+ years experience tells me the opposite of this is true - women in NHS healthcare leadership roles (bearing in mind the NHS is the largest employer in the UK and Europe and 2nd in the world) are more likely to be openly passive aggressive and hostile under stress - most men I have worked for in leadership positions actually show more control over their emotions, more compassion and higher levels of emotional intelligence than the female leaders. So I don't think we can generalise on this one - as many women, including me, will have experienced toxic abuse and bullying from other women in leadership roles.

Regardless of gender, I have often questioned how “leaders” wound up in their positions when they have demonstrated their lack of emotional intelligence.

Let's stop generalising responses based on gender. Yes, I have known people who fit this mould and I also know people who don't. I have worked with some very empathetic male leaders and some who have a history of disrespect, particularly towards women. I have seen female leaders who have behaved more aggressively towards their so-called fellow women, compared with their male counterparts. I have seen women who have lifted up both men and women. The research is flawed. In leans into the innate societal expectations and stereotypical perceptions that women are fundamentally nurturers because of the role they play or are expected to play. They are expected to be kind, peacekeepers. The behaviour depends on the individual, not the gender. How they were raised, their personality type, their experiences, the people they surround themselves with, their industry and their willingness to self reflect and grow as a person so they aren't treating people like crap.

I would love somebody to do a historical study / compilation of stories / podcast of the women who broke the glass ceiling (would love to see all the war stories). I suspect they had to be the toughest, coldest, most ambitious women to survive and prove themselves in a world of men. As female leadership has become more normalized - I suspect that there has been a shift to the attributes you are describing... even though I remember reading a study from the Harvard Business Journal that when people think of what makes a good leader - they said tall, male and square jawed. 🤷♀️

While I admire this sentiment, I'm wary of generalizations. Emotional intelligence isn't gender-specific. There are plenty of men who lead with empathy and women who can be ruthless when necessary. Let's focus on individual strengths, not perpetuate stereotypes, even with good intentions.

Women are often perceived as more emotionally expressive, leading to assumptions that men handle stress better. However, I believe women tend to be more emotionally stable than men under stress. Here's why: Research shows that women generally have more robust social support networks and are likelier to discuss their feelings, which helps them manage stress more effectively. In addition, women are often better at multitasking and emotional regulation, skills that are incredibly useful in stressful situations. So, instead of assuming men are naturally better at handling stress, we should recognize and learn from the emotional resilience and coping strategies of women. What do you think about emotional stability under stress?

And while we're on that Adam Grant - let's remember the true purpose of feminism. Feminism is not a marketing strategy or a buzzword. And shouldn't be weaponised either. Feminism is not a ladder to climb on. I FULLY support Women and Men - but not by default. Career advancement must & should be earned. 

Leadership cannot and should not be reduced to gender stereotypes. Emotional intelligence, resilience, and decision-making are human traits, not gender-specific attributes. While some data might suggest trends, such analyses are inherently subjective, context-dependent, and risk oversimplifying the complexity of individual behavior. In my professional journey across the military and corporate sectors, I have witnessed extraordinary leaders of all genders. Some have been calm under pressure, others assertive when needed, but their effectiveness stemmed from their ability to adapt, communicate, and inspire—qualities that transcend gender. Rather than focusing on whether men or women handle stress or emotions better, we should prioritize creating environments where all leaders are encouraged to develop these skills. It is not gender that defines leadership but one’s ability to rise to challenges, empathize with others, and remain composed under pressure. As leaders, let’s move beyond divisive analyses and focus on building inclusive workplaces that celebrate individual potential and foster growth for all, regardless of gender.