Communication blocks that hold you back

- There are five key things that are holding you back from being a great communicator. The first thing is known as the spotlight effect. Now, this is a weird situation, but I'm sure you've experienced it. Have you ever had a moment where you're talking to somebody, one-on-one, and they're super engaging, super charismatic, but then the very moment they step on stage, the very moment they step in front of their peers in a meeting, they just freeze up and become extremely awkward, and you're thinking to yourself, what happened to the person I was just talking to? Who is this person? This happens because of the spotlight effect. It's a psychological phenomenon by which people tend to believe they are being noticed more than they actually are. This happens because we are thrown into unfamiliar situations, and in those moments when there's lots of people around us, it causes us to think well, because we are at the center of our own worlds, it must mean we are at the center of everybody else's world, which isn't the case because everyone is at the center of their own worlds. Here's an experiment for you. I want you to think of a time when you were embarrassed in the past. Think of one. It's easy, right? Now, think of a time when somebody else was embarrassed. It's a lot harder, right? We worry so much about what other people think of us because we think we're at the center of everybody else's worlds. But in reality, everyone is just thinking about themselves. Here's another thought that has helped me battle the spotlight effect. Mark Twain has this beautiful quote where he says, "You worry less about what people think about you when you realize how seldom they do." The second thing that stops us from being an effective and confident communicator is unrealistic expectations. We're often the ones causing our own downfall. When we have unrealistic expectations. I've said it before and it's worth saying again. People tend to have this belief that a great and confident communicator is someone who is perfect and never says one non word or filler word. They remember every single word in their script. They never stuff up and they never forget anything. Do you know what that's called? That's called ChatGPT or AI. Now, this is useful if you're communicating with other robots, but if you're connecting with other human beings, then it's not about being perfect. It's about building a connection with others. Even me recording this course, you'll notice many little human moments, and when I make a small slip up, do you think to yourself, oh my goodness, Vin is terrible. I mean, are you judging me like crazy? Or do you think to yourself, phew, I'm glad Vin is human, or is he? Of course I'm human. And you know what? That's kind of weird because that's exactly what a robot would say. (laughs) Just kidding. I am human. Onto the next point. The third thing that stops people from being a confident communicator is a lack of preparation. Often people don't know how to rehearse their presentations, and then as a result of the lack of preparation, they feel nervous, and you should feel nervous because you haven't prepared. Usually, a lack of preparation is what causes the most anxiety. Make sure that you have enough time put aside to prepare and rehearse. Don't worry, we'll touch in on this in the FAQ section of this course. Number 4, bad experiences. Many of my students who come to me and they've had negative experiences in the past that haunt them, when they're going to give presentations, big or small, they keep thinking to themselves, don't stuff up. Don't stuff up, don't stuff up. And you know what happens? You fall victim to what's known as ironic process theory, which states that when you try to repress a certain thought by thinking, "Don't stuff up like you did last week," this only makes you more nervous and hyper-focused on the possibility of making a mistake, which just increases the chances of a mistake actually happening. Instead, to combat this, think, it's not about me, it's about the audience. Stop being so self-conscious and start thinking about serving the audience. Stop thinking about yourself. By you keeping your thoughts outward focused, it allows you to be less self-conscious. Next, brain versus mouth connection. When you are super excited about something and you're trying to share your excitement, does this ever happen to you? Let's say I'm talking about my most favorite thing in the world, which is archery and camping. Let's say I get really excited and I'm about to talk to someone and I go, "You know the thing I love? The thing I love most about camping is I love having a, oh my goodness." Did you notice what happened here with me? When your brain is in overdrive and your thoughts are racing, sometimes your mouth can't keep up, or sometimes you can be the other way around actually, and you're speaking to quickly and you don't give your brain enough time to catch up. The remedy here for both is simple. If you feel that you're in a peak emotional state or a heightened emotional state, take 30 seconds and do a few cycles of what's known as box breathing. Let me walk you through, here's how to do it. We'll do it together, okay? So you do this and I'll talk you through it. First, you're going to inhale, and then you're going to hold for 4 counts. Then you're going to hold for 4 counts. Then you're going to breathe out for 4 counts, and then you'll hold for 4 counts, and that's one cycle. So let me talk you through it. All right, so breathe in. 1, 2, 3, 4. Hold, 1, 2, 3, 4, breathe out. 1, 2, 3, 4. Hold. 1, 2, 3, 4. How do you feel? This helps relax both your brain and your body, helping you synchronize the brain with the mouth and it helps you slow down, which will allow you to communicate with more clarity.