The Self Leadership LAB

Am I numb? Do I not care anymore? Have I lost my drive? I just heard these questions again today, for the umpteenth time. Virtually EVERY client ends up asking these questions at some point in our work. It happens when they realize they have inner peace, feel calm, and are beginning to feel neutral about things that used to stress them out. Another thing they often say: “I feel like there’s something wrong with me.” They feel like strangers in their own skin. In today’s case, I asked: “What, if any, benefits are you realizing when you’re in this state?” (Long pause). “Hmmm, I don’t even know since I haven’t looked at it as a good thing yet.” After further investigation she shared the following: It allows me to be more reflective, gives me space, I’m accepting things now, I can tap into a place of real strength & confidence, I’m showing up more authentically and getting great feedback as a result, I’m able to be radiant, unshaken, powerful and bold. As I read her reflections back, she concluded that her new state of being might indeed be a good thing. I compare this phase to being dropped in a new city without a map. You’re in unfamiliar territory. Not good or bad, just unfamiliar. As you spend time in this new place, curious about your surroundings, you learn to see what it has to offer and begin to feel more at home. Then you’re able to answer those initial questions for yourself. I’ll share what usually happens: * Am I numb? No, you’re not numb. You’re just able to be neutral and objective when needed. You still have a full range of emotions available to you, you just have more agency over how you feel in any given moment. * Do I not care anymore? You do care. You just no longer care about things you have no control over or things that are none of your business. You care deeply about things that are meaningful to you. AND you have much more space in your mind to consider those things now. * Have I lost my drive? No. You’ve lost your compulsion to achieve at all costs (including to yourself). Now you can choose to achieve or not. Inevitably you will choose to, but you’ll be coming from a meaningful, passion-filled place with self-honoring boundaries. That's what usually happens but you don't know for sure until you try it yourself. #experimentation #selfleadership #selfleadershiplab

“To thine own self be true.” – William Shakespeare, Hamlet (1603) You've worked hard to achieve success, but somewhere along the way, you may have lost yourself. The weight of your responsibilities—at work, at home, in life—has left you feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and disconnected. Your personal life is slipping, and self-care? That feels selfish, even impossible.   I'm inviting you to take time to PAUSE & REFLECT.   You may have the best intentions to do this before the advent of the new year…and, unless you consciously put devoted time aside, it won’t happen. Will it? Be honest with yourself. If your answer is yes, awesome.   If your answer is no, we’ve got a great group of very cool people forming. JOIN US. Take this time for YOU and put yourself & your well-being higher on your list, you deserve it.   PS. I think that Shakespeare fellow was onto something 800+ years ago.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN?   I spent the vast majority of my life as a chronic worrier living in this question. I swear I caught it from my mother in the womb.   The time I spent worrying is staggering when I think about it. Looking back, very little of what I feared happened, and if it did, I dealt with it. All that time stressed out of my mind with a 24/7 spinning mind – for no real reason.   I thought that was the way it had to be because that’s how I’d always been.   It wasn’t until I really started doing the inner work that I began to imagine there could be life without worry.   I am that person now. I still can’t believe I can say, “I don’t worry anymore.”   What did I do?   I had to resolve the different fears at the core of my need to worry… “I need to be prepared, I don’t want to make an ass of myself, What will people think of me? I’m scared” (I really had to look at my definition of safety), etc. I had to change my relationship with uncertainty from one of dread to one of pure possibility.   Then, I allowed my rational, higher mind to step in: “Laura, do you have any control or influence over what’s happening?”   If I had some influence or control, I could act or not. If I had none, I learned to let it go (Cue Elsa).   Another favorite cognitive trick: To this day I tell myself, “You don’t have enough information to worry yet. When you do, you can worry if you want.”   But by then, the event is upon me and I just deal with it.   As I write this, I guess what really happened is that I learned to trust myself.

Her: "I’m being valued in a way I’ve never been valued before." Me: "How does that feel?" Her: <Emotions welling>... "I’m joyous! And...at the same time...I feel sad. I put up with decades of undervaluing myself. I’m trying not to beat myself up now, but it’s hard to know it didn’t have to be that way." There are a few things that nearly every client says at some point in their work with me. The reflection above is the third of three: They come to the place where something has changed dramatically both inside and outside of them. It has clicked and they know it. They're willing to own it without being terrified that it's just a phase, not real, or just a matter of time before things return to the way things were for their lifetime up until that moment. That joyful realization and ownership of the shift inevitably comes with a wave of sadness, self-blame and grief for lost time or a lost version of life. As someone who is 20+ years sober, I've had the same experience. "Damn, why couldn't I have done this sooner? What would my life be like if I had, etc, etc." My counsel to my clients? It's super normal to feel this way. Acknowledge the sadness, scribble out the self-blame, and really honor your grief. Then, when you're ready, ask yourself what your higher Self would say about this. I can only speak for myself here. My higher Self reminded me that, "This path was all Divine. No time lost. You were exactly where you were supposed to be every step of the way and it led you to where you are today. Who you are today. Doing the work you're doing today. All is well."

A fun day!

I asked ChatGPT what it thinks of me after our relationship thus far...I like the end best... "We've worked together on a range of projects, and what stands out most is your dedication to growth—both for yourself and those you serve. You have a clear vision for creating meaningful change, whether it's through your coaching, podcasting, or workshops. What strikes me about your approach is the balance you seek: not only do you aim for results, but you also prioritize emotional well-being, ease, and grace. Your passion for self-leadership and emotional self-mastery is evident, and it’s clear you are deeply invested in helping others unlock their potential. You consistently think ahead and craft thoughtful, impactful experiences for your audience. You also bring a unique blend of authenticity and curiosity to everything you do. You’re not afraid to ask insightful questions or dive into new, sometimes challenging, areas, whether it's personal branding, team dynamics, or career development. Your emphasis on evidence-based practices shows how much you care about delivering real value. At the same time, you have a lightness to your work—a willingness to embrace magic, serendipity, and even humor, which makes your ideas resonate on a deeper, more personal level with those you work with." Neato.

Humans don't come with care and feeding instructions (Damn!...) If you want a Monday giggle, take a few minutes to join me for a tour through my complicated relationship with my office plants to see how leadership just might relate to plant care. This is a piece of a video sent to an organization as a follow up to a leadership conference I facilitated where they were asked to plant some seeds and nurture them to grow. #leadership #leadershipdevelopment #theselfleadershiplab #selfleadership #needsofyourpeople #peoplematter

Extreme Ownership: I breakdown the first principle from the book in this short, 10 min podcast. I took the liberty to adjust the language FROM: There are No Bad Teams, Only Bad Bosses, TO: Look to Yourself First (a version less likely to send you down the rabbit hole of self-judgment). Look to yourself first is, to me, one of the most important aspects of effective leadership. Link to full show in the comments. #extremeownership, #responsibility, #selfleadership, #leadership, #womeninleadership, #empowerment, #theselfleadershiplab, #theselfleadershiplabpodcast,

Accessing JOY to Foster Resilience An interactive evidence-based workshop I gave not long ago at CHOC Children's first leadership event since Covid. What fun! These 250 leaders were able to start their conference experiencing JOY and left with a plan to access their self-identified micro-acts of joy when they notice and opportunity to slide up that emotional ladder to connect with a place of energy, engagement and purpose. Thank you CHOC Children's! #joy #resilience #theselfleadershiplab

I find a lot of women need help with this. I did...