What are the signs of conversation escalation?

1 Body language

One of the first signs of escalation is the change in body language of the people involved in the conversation. They may display gestures, expressions, or postures that indicate anger, frustration, defensiveness, or fear. For example, they may clench their fists, cross their arms, raise their eyebrows, roll their eyes, or lean forward. These signals can show that they are feeling threatened, disrespected, or challenged, and that they are ready to fight or flee. To de-escalate the situation, you should try to adopt a calm, neutral, and respectful body language. You can do this by keeping your hands open, your shoulders relaxed, your eyes attentive, and your head nodding. You should also avoid invading their personal space, pointing your finger, or making sudden movements.

2 Tone of voice

Another sign of escalation is the change in tone of voice of the people involved in the conversation. They may speak louder, faster, higher, or lower than usual, or use a sarcastic, mocking, or hostile tone. They may also interrupt, shout, curse, or insult each other. These cues can show that they are feeling emotional, impatient, or aggressive, and that they are trying to dominate or intimidate the other person. To de-escalate the situation, you should try to use a calm, clear, and respectful tone of voice. You can do this by speaking softly, slowly, and politely, and by using words that show empathy, validation, and curiosity. You should also avoid raising your voice, using sarcasm, or making accusations.

4 Emotional state

A fourth sign of escalation is the change in emotional state of the people involved in the conversation. They may experience intense feelings of anger, fear, frustration, or resentment, or show signs of anxiety, stress, or panic. They may also lose control of their emotions, act impulsively, or become violent. These reactions can show that they are feeling overwhelmed, hurt, or threatened, and that they are unable to cope or communicate effectively. To de-escalate the situation, you should try to use a supportive, compassionate, and reassuring emotional state. You can do this by acknowledging their feelings, expressing your concern, and offering your help. You should also avoid dismissing their emotions, escalating your own emotions, or provoking their emotions.

5 Outcome of conversation

A fifth sign of escalation is the change in outcome of the conversation. The conversation may become unproductive, unresolvable, or destructive, or end abruptly, badly, or violently. The people involved may not reach an agreement, a solution, or a mutual understanding, or may damage their relationship, reputation, or safety. These consequences can show that the conversation has failed, deteriorated, or escalated beyond repair. To de-escalate the situation, you should try to use a positive, realistic, and collaborative outcome of conversation. You can do this by summarizing the main points, highlighting the areas of agreement, and suggesting the next steps. You should also avoid leaving the conversation unresolved, blaming the other person for the outcome, or escalating the situation further.

6 De-escalation skills

Knowing the signs of escalation can help you recognize when a conversation is becoming more difficult, tense, or hostile. However, knowing how to de-escalate a conversation requires more than just awareness. It also requires skills such as active listening, empathy, assertiveness, problem-solving, and negotiation. These skills can help you communicate more effectively, respectfully, and constructively with the other person, and reduce the likelihood of conflict escalation. To learn more about these skills and how to apply them in different situations, you can take a course on de-escalation in leadership.