How do you avoid sounding rude or aggressive in your email tone and language?

Email is one of the most common and convenient ways of communicating online, but it also comes with some challenges. How do you convey your message clearly and politely, without sounding rude or aggressive? How do you avoid misunderstandings and conflicts, especially when dealing with sensitive or complex issues? Here are some online etiquette tips for email that can help you improve your tone and language.

1 Choose your words carefully

The words you use in your email can make a big difference in how your recipient perceives your tone and intention. Avoid using words that are harsh, negative, or accusatory, such as "you failed", "this is unacceptable", or "you must". Instead, use words that are positive, constructive, or respectful, such as "you did well", "this is an opportunity", or "you may". Also, avoid using sarcasm, irony, or jokes, as they can be easily misinterpreted or offend your recipient. Use emoticons or emojis sparingly and only when appropriate.

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Rachael Kinsella FCIM MCIPR Chartered Marketer

Strategic Communications and Marketing Professional, Thought Leadership Specialist, Editorial and Content Director, Writer, Editor
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It's a matter of professional courtesy. Think of speaking to others as you would like to be spoken to yourself. How might it sound to someone else? Are you venting frustrations that you are experiencing elsewhere? Check any of those feelings at the door. Keep it courteous and collegiate, mindful of the recipient and intended audience. We've all sent emails we wish that we hadn't, or fallen down the rabbit hole of heated conversations that should not be conducted via email. The trick is to learn from it. Be nice. It's a good mantra to live by and to use when writing emails, too.

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2 Use the right punctuation and capitalization

Punctuation and capitalization can also affect your email tone and language. For example, using too many exclamation points, question marks, or ellipses can make your email seem angry, impatient, or uncertain. Using all caps can make your email seem shouting or aggressive. Using no punctuation or capitalization can make your email seem sloppy or unprofessional. Follow the basic rules of grammar and punctuation, and use them to enhance your meaning and clarity, not to express your emotions.

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Rachael Kinsella FCIM MCIPR Chartered Marketer

Strategic Communications and Marketing Professional, Thought Leadership Specialist, Editorial and Content Director, Writer, Editor
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Take time and care in your writing, even if it's just a short email. As well as being polite and courteous, check your writing for incorrect spelling, grammar and punctuation. Fact check and sense check it.

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Greg P.

Actions speak louder than words
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Often, my first impression of people comes from the way that they communicate in their emails. One's attention to detail is hugely important in setting the tone and expectation of himself or herself, especially in the accounting profession. Incorrect writing, including its omission, can distort the conversation by tone or by purpose (e.g. I don't understand what this person is asking or feeling by what is written; this sentence could be edited towards a more effective, satisfactory outcome). If one corresponds only by email, then he/she should carefully consider using punctuation to clear up any confusion about his/her character. I occasionally add smiley faces towards the end of my email to convey my pleasantness.

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3 Read and edit your email before sending

One of the best ways to avoid sounding rude or aggressive in your email tone and language is to read and edit your email before sending it. Reading your email aloud can help you catch any errors, typos, or awkward phrases that might affect your tone. Editing your email can help you remove any unnecessary or redundant words, or rephrase any sentences that might sound rude or aggressive. You can also use tools like Grammarly or Hemingway to check your spelling, grammar, and readability.

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Rachael Kinsella FCIM MCIPR Chartered Marketer

Strategic Communications and Marketing Professional, Thought Leadership Specialist, Editorial and Content Director, Writer, Editor
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Proofreading is always a good habit to get into, no matter the purpose. Whether you're drafting emails, articles, blog posts, press releases, research reports or thought leadership content, it makes sense to check everything carefully.

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4 Consider your recipient and purpose

Another important factor that influences your email tone and language is your recipient and purpose. Who are you writing to, and what do you want to achieve with your email? Depending on your relationship with your recipient, your level of formality, politeness, and tone might vary. For example, you might use a more casual and friendly tone with a colleague you know well, but a more formal and respectful tone with a client you don't know well. Similarly, depending on your purpose, your tone and language might differ. For example, you might use a more assertive and direct tone when making a request, but a more supportive and empathetic tone when giving feedback.

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Rachael Kinsella FCIM MCIPR Chartered Marketer

Strategic Communications and Marketing Professional, Thought Leadership Specialist, Editorial and Content Director, Writer, Editor
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Think about the recipient's accessibility needs, too - all too often this is forgotten and it really can make all the difference to the colleague, customer, client or contact with whom you are communicating.

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5 End with a clear and courteous sign-off

Finally, how you end your email can also affect your tone and language. A clear and courteous sign-off can help you close your email on a positive and professional note. A clear sign-off can include a summary of your main points, a call to action, or a thank you note. A courteous sign-off can include a greeting, a signature, or a complimentary close. For example, you can end your email with "Thank you for your cooperation. Best regards, Jane Smith" or "I hope this answers your questions. Cheers, Jane Smith".

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Rachael Kinsella FCIM MCIPR Chartered Marketer

Strategic Communications and Marketing Professional, Thought Leadership Specialist, Editorial and Content Director, Writer, Editor
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My editorial colleagues and I have an unspoken code that we always ask how our recipient is and sign off in a courteous manner, even if we're short on time. It may make more of a difference than you think to your recipient.

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6 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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How do you avoid sounding rude or aggressive in your email tone and language?

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1 Choose your words carefully

2 Use the right punctuation and capitalization

3 Read and edit your email before sending

4 Consider your recipient and purpose

5 End with a clear and courteous sign-off

6 Here’s what else to consider

Online Communications

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