How do you balance assertiveness and empathy when communicating with your leader or manager?

1 Know your communication style

Your communication style is the way you prefer to interact with others, based on your personality, values, and goals. There are four main communication styles: passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive. Passive communicators tend to avoid conflict, agree with others, and hide their feelings. Aggressive communicators tend to dominate, criticize, and blame others, and disregard their feelings. Passive-aggressive communicators tend to express their resentment indirectly, through sarcasm, procrastination, or sabotage. Assertive communicators tend to express their thoughts and feelings clearly, respectfully, and confidently, while respecting the thoughts and feelings of others. Knowing your communication style can help you identify your strengths and weaknesses, and adjust your behavior accordingly.

2 Understand your leader's communication style

Your leader or manager may have a different communication style than you, which can affect how they perceive and respond to your messages. For example, if your leader is passive, they may appreciate your empathy and support, but may not give you clear feedback or direction. If your leader is aggressive, they may value your assertiveness and initiative, but may not listen to your concerns or suggestions. If your leader is passive-aggressive, they may seem friendly and cooperative, but may undermine or ignore your work. If your leader is assertive, they may respect your honesty and professionalism, but may expect you to be direct and concise. Understanding your leader's communication style can help you tailor your messages to their preferences and expectations, and avoid misunderstandings and conflicts.

3 Use the right tone and language

The tone and language you use when communicating with your leader or manager can make a big difference in how they perceive and react to your messages. You want to use a tone that is respectful, polite, and confident, but not rude, arrogant, or submissive. You also want to use language that is clear, concise, and specific, but not vague, ambiguous, or jargon-filled. For example, instead of saying "I think we should do this", say "I suggest we do this because...". Instead of saying "You are wrong", say "I disagree with you because...". Instead of saying "I don't know", say "I need more information or time to answer that". Using the right tone and language can help you convey your assertiveness and empathy effectively and appropriately.

4 Listen actively and empathetically

Listening is an essential part of communication, especially when you are communicating with your leader or manager. You want to listen actively and empathetically, which means paying attention to what they are saying, showing interest and curiosity, asking questions and clarifying points, reflecting and summarizing what you heard, and acknowledging their feelings and perspectives. Listening actively and empathetically can help you understand your leader's needs, goals, and challenges, build rapport and trust, and show respect and appreciation.

5 Give and receive feedback constructively

Feedback is another important aspect of communication, especially when you are communicating with your leader or manager. You want to give and receive feedback constructively, which means sharing your observations, opinions, and suggestions in a positive and helpful way, and accepting feedback in a open and receptive way. Giving feedback constructively can help you express your appreciation, recognition, or improvement ideas for your leader's work or behavior, and encourage their growth and development. Receiving feedback constructively can help you learn from your leader's insights, expectations, or recommendations for your work or behavior, and enhance your performance and skills.

6 Manage emotions and conflicts productively

Emotions and conflicts are inevitable in communication, especially when you are communicating with your leader or manager. You want to manage emotions and conflicts productively, which means recognizing and regulating your own emotions, empathizing and validating the emotions of others, avoiding personal attacks and defensiveness, focusing on the issue and the solution, and seeking a win-win outcome. Managing emotions and conflicts productively can help you prevent or resolve disputes, maintain a positive and respectful relationship, and achieve mutual understanding and agreement.

7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?